Casting Shadows
by scap3goat
Summary: [ON HOLD No plans to continue yet] Harry went into hiding after he failed to defeat Voldemort. Then he suddenly comes back to teach at Hogwarts, after the DADA Teacher is injured. What does he hide from his friends, what does he hide from his love?
1. Prologue: The youngling and the Snake

**Summary:** Harry went into hiding after he failed to defeat Voldemort. Then he suddenly comes back to teach at Hogwarts, after the DADA Teacher is injured. What does he hide from his friends, what does he hide from his love? And where is Voldemort?

**A/N:** Hello! This is my first male Slash ever! Don't be too cruel with me! This simply started as an "Harry-involved-with-Severus-but-no-one-knows-so-far" but got its own way very early. I knew this would lead to an final showdown with Voldy-Moldie but not quite that way! The rating will go up in the latter chapter. Let's have a look how soon this will be!  
Enjoy yourself and leave a little review for me to know you read.

**Disclaimer:** No, unfortunaley none of the boys is mine andeven moreunfortunately none of the ever will be. Everything belongs to that blond genius, JKR, and to those she sold the rights of the story to.

**Implies SLASH! Don't like, don't read. Don't come to me afterwards and cry because you weren't supposed to read such things. I warned you.**

* * *

**xXx**

**Casting Shadows**

**xXx**

**Prologue: The Youngling and the Snake**

_Our actions - whatever we do and despite the fact how noble our actions and intentions might be – are casting shadows and will leave someone in darkness._

In a bright apartment in London a young man – he was 22 years old (and exactly 14 weeks but who'd care about that anyway?) – was lying on his stomach on a couch and was dozing. His long black hair was bound to a ponytail in his neck and his lips curled in a hopeful smile.

His name was Harry Potter and he was waiting for something - or rather somebody.

Harry stirred when he felt that someone tried to remove his glasses.

"Hello love, already back?" he asked tiredly.

"Hmm" came a rough reply.

"Why are you so grumpy? Problems with students, I suppose."

Harry turned over on his back and lolled tiredly without opening his eyes.

"Hungry? I already fixed dinner. I'll go and heat it up for you!"

Harry tried to sit up but a firm hand tried to push him back. He opened his eyes surprised.

"I think I can do this by my own."

Harry smiled gratefully at his lover but stood up nevertheless. "I don't mind."

Harry stood up from the sofa and walked over to the kitchen. "Sit down, darling, dinner is ready in no time."

"I missed you. I think I will ignore 'darling' therefore."

Harry smiled wryly while he fixed dinner for his partner.

"I really did miss you!"

"Don't let your students hear that, they might think you do have a heart?"

"You could come and visit me during term and prove it to them?"

"What? You want to introduce your gay lover to your students?"

"You could live there under cover as my… 'research' partner or my laboratory assistant?"

"Remember, we weren't on good terms when I was there. What would happen if you introduced me as your _'research'_ partner or laboratory assistant? I think Minerva – and some of the others - would die of the shock."

"Not to mention Professors Weasley."

Harry chuckled. "Not to mention Professors Weasley. Ron would try to skin me alive in order to find out who I really am, after Hermione found out about… us."

"Nevertheless I would appreciate that very much!"

Harry raised one eyebrow. "Are you serious, Severus?"

Harry heard his lover approaching.

"I'm not talking about being uncovered."

Harry was turned around and held between the kitchen counter and his lover.

"I'm talking about being near to you for longer than just some days between terms."

A soft kiss sealed Harry's lips for some time.

"I want to be a real partner. Now I'm rather like a lover dropping in at some weekends or holidays when he can get away from his wife or whatsoever."

"Your dinner…" pointed Harry out. He never had heard his lover speaking of his feelings so freely. Only one and a half year ago it seemed to Harry – and various other people – that the man did not hold any feelings for himself nor anyone else.

"Are you hungry?" asked the wizard.

Harry smiled. >_He's playing games. Not bad, not bad! _

"I'm already starving. But not for simple food."

He placed soft kisses along his lovers jaw line.

"If you go on like this there will be no dinner. I thought you demanded that I eat proper meals."

"Oh, forget about proper meals. I want the desert and I want it now!"

* * *

So... this is the prologue... you might go on reading chapter 1 immediately but you also can write a review before that! _grin_ Please no flames, alright? Won't answer any of them unless - of course - this could be fun. 


	2. Chapter1 1: In which desicions are made

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and everything else you recognize from that books, is owned by JKR and Warner Brothers and so on. I do not own anything, bur#t I believe it's perfectly legal to borrow the characters, surroundings, etc. as long as I don't own any money with this. Only the plot of the story is mostly mine. Well, we all are affected by our environment and I'm not capable to tell you everyone who affected me to write what I wrote.

**A/N:** Well, haven't got to say much. Just enjoy yourself.

**This still implies SLASH! As I already told you, don't like, don't read!**

* * *

**Chapter 1: In which decisions are made**

Harry woke in the middle of the night. The sheets next to him already became cold and he came to the conclusion that Severus hadn't just left for the bathroom. Harry stood up, almost fell over his own two feet and picked up his boxer shorts and a shirt.

He slowly walked through the apartment and found Severus in the living room sitting in front of a magic fire. Harry kept himself out of the view of the witch or wizard on the other end. Severus on the other hand caught sight of Harry but did not show it to his counterpart.

"Albus, this is serious, indeed."

"Severus, I offer you the job of DADA teacher."

Severus smiled but shook his head.

"Albus, I'm really grateful, but I have another suggestion. I have to talk to someone but he might know somebody who would be the better one for this job. Do you have other candidates?"

"No, Severus. Under these circumstances, I think you are the best one for this job."

"I'm not sure, Albus. I will talk to my friend and his 'contact' will owl you if he agrees."

"Alright, Severus," answered a weak Albus Dumbledore.

"I think I have to quit now, Albus. I need some sleep. Good night," explained the dark-haired wizard.

"Good night, Severus," answered Dumbledore and broke the connection.

"What… what was this about?" asked Harry and stepped into the living room.

"Remus was attacked while he observed a bunch of students visiting Hogsmead. He was not attacked as a member of the Order or a werewolf but as a teacher. This worries Albus and he wants me to teach DADA for the rest of the year," explained Severus and continued with a wide smirk: "Of course, Lupin could teach DADA with his genitalia having the size of a raisin, but I believe he wants them back to original size, no matter what that would be."

"Nasty prank," replied Harry and sat down beside Severus.

"His treatment will last for some months. I was wondering if you couldn't come to teach? You are a skilled and trained wizard. It would be no problem for you to handle a few students," said Severus in a 'by-the-way' voice. "Not to mention that your knowledge is broad enough to teach the subject."

"Thank you for the complement. But I'm not sure if I'm already… ready to face all of it. Hell, I would kill to see Hogwarts again and to see Hermione and Ron and perhaps some of the others but… I'm not sure if I can return to it, if I'm strong enough to face it."

"You were strong enough to face me in more than one way," pointed Severus out.

"I used to hate you. To see you didn't remember me of the good things I left behind when I was sent to this 'training'. Sometimes I was indirectly reminded of Ron and Hermione when I saw you, but this changed when… things changed."

"Do think it was right to not meet them when you felt better?"

"I sent them a letter from time to time. That seemed to be enough to me. And the marriage…"

Severus laid one arm around Harry's shoulders and they were silent in unison.

A loud 'crack' informed both of them that someone tried to contact them via floo.

"Is this one for you or for me?" asked the potions master.

"I bet you a galleon it's for you. No one I know would call me in the middle of the night in a 'strangers' apartment. No one knows that I'm here!" said Harry and hid in the hallway.

Severus sighed and released the charms on the fireplace.

"Hermione, what a surprise!" muttered Severus lamely.

"Severus, I want to talk to Harry!"

"Harry? Harry Potter? You know as well as I do that he vanished and went into hiding. But he certainly is not hiding at my home!"

Harry chuckled. _Of course,_ he thought, _this is my home, isn't it?_

"But you know where he is and you better would tell me or fetch him right about now."

"Or what?" teased Snape.

"Did you hear what happened to Remus? I'd like to test that particular shrinking spell on someone."

Severus sighed and stood up. "I think I can fetch your bloody Potter but it could take some time. I'd better call you…"

"No, never! You won't cheat me with that simple 'I call you back' trick. Fetch him. Now! I will wait and don't think of simply leaving or going to sleep again, unless you want to come back to your living room and find me sitting on your couch!"

"Of course I don't! I promise to come back as quick as possible!"

Severus left the living room and smirked at Harry.

"Let her wait for half an hour or something like this," asked Severus in a low voice.

"Twenty minutes, Severus."

"Alright. What do we do in the mean time?"

"Let's get back to bed?" smirked Harry.

"'m afraid there's not enough time," answered Severus theatrically.

"The average man doesn't need more than twenty seconds, Drama Queen!" replied Harry.

"You didn't pick me because I was so average, did you?" taunted Severus.

"No. I think you better get dressed at least a little bit more than that. Don't tell me that you would leave the house with nothing but your boxer shorts?" whispered Harry.

In the next fifteen minutes Severus tried to dress like he was in a hurry but almost every suggestion – like wearing socks of different colours or patterns – was given the brush-off by Harry.

"Remember, your in a hurry, not colour blind or insane!" hissed Harry. "Do you want me to hate you or to respect you?"

"I beg you pardon?" Severus looked up from his little sock-problem and threw the socks on a near chest of drawers. He wouldn't need them, he would wear his boots.

"When I talk to Hermione. Should I pretend to hate you or just… you know… fake a 'plain' relationship?"

"That question makes me jumpy."

"I think that you would be very irritated if someone called you in the middle of the night to ask for someone you… well… used to hate. No, I don't suppose you would be irritated, I know that you would be seriously pissed off!"

"Thanks. I think that will work for the both of us."

"So… time's up." Harry stood up. "What were you thinking?" bellowed Harry angry.

Severus was surprised but understood in the blink of an eye.

"I don't care, Potter. Come on, to the living room!"

Professor Snape – wearing boots, black trousers and robes – guided Harry Potter to the living room where Hermione's head still was floating in the green flames.

"I don't care either, Snape. But why couldn't you tell her to call me later, moron?"

"I'm not going to be your scapegoat, stupid. Go and talk to her yourself!"

Harry – still wearing nothing but boxer shorts and a shirt – sat down in front of the fire and suddenly he didn't feel sorry for Hermione having to wait with her head in the flames for almost half an hour.

Severus dropped on the couch and tensely waited for the show.

"Hi Harry, nice to see you again!"

"Didn't call to tell me that, did you?" asked Harry grumpily.

"No. Did you hear that Remus was attacked?" asked Hermione hurt.

"Snape was kind enough to explain it to me in three words."

"Professor Snape!" snapped Severus from the background.

"He was teaching DADA at Hogwarts this year."

"Do you want me to revenge him as I'm already here?" snapped Harry.

"That beats everything! Potter thinks he can beat me?" asked Severus in a nasty sneering voice. "Just for the record, if I'd tried to get rid of the werewolf I would get rid of the werewolf and I would finish the job."

"Drop that!" demanded Hermione. "Harry, we need a new DADA teacher and Albus… well he suggested _him_ – Professor Snape. Harry, I know this is an overhasty plea – we haven't seen in ages – but couldn't you come and teach?"

"No. No, I don't consider it right now," answered Harry. "I might reconsider it, but at the moment I'm very happy with my life. I want a certain person to ask me to come."

"Albus? Harry, wait, he'll call you back in no time!"

"No, Hermione, it's not him," answered Harry calmer. "I'm not certain if I ever want to see him again."

"But… who else? I can get anyone if you…"

"No, Hermione. Just… drop it. I think you will be informed if I come to teach or not by the headmaster. And now I would be grateful if you would quit this call. I need to leave again."

"Well, it was nice to talk to you again, Harry," smiled Hermione.

"Guess it was. Have a nice day or whatever," replied Harry, completely numb inside. It seemed that everything he had felt for his friend was gone. "Bye, Hermione. Greet everyone else from me."

The green fire vanished suddenly and Harry had thought he just had seen tears in Hermione's eyes. To be honest, he didn't really care. He turned around.

"It's winter, Severus. You could have caught a cold," rebuked Harry with a smile when he looked at his partner. "It's already reckless to leave the house without a coat but you also left without a shirt."

"Only because you are wearing mine. By the way, you definitely would have caught a cold outside, without boots, socks, trousers, robes and a coat. And your shirt is open."

"Good point. But I promise I won't duck out to fetch some rolls for breakfast without putting my slippers on, mummy. But before that I'd like to have another seven hours of sleep! It's bloody Saturday morning, you bloody git," teased Harry his partner.

"You are not going to teach at Hogwarts?" asked Severus.

"Um…" Harry was taken aback by this question. "I think I said it a little bit different. I said that I was waiting for a certain person to ask me to come and teach."

Harry starred at Severus. Severus sighed and took of his robes, boots and trousers.

"I'm too tired to think about this right now. We can talk about that after we ate those rolls you said you would fetch in about seven hours."

Harry's lips curled and he threw a cushion at Severus. "Usually it's the lover who's fetching the rolls when he's on a visit!"

Both men laughed. "Let's just handle it like every time. The first one up will make breakfast and the other one's fetching the rolls and what else is missing."

When Harry woke up the next time the sun shone through the bedroom window. He was tempted to turn around and curl up against his partner but a brief thought crossed his mind.

If he stood up now he could make breakfast and leave it to Severus to fetch the rolls.

He stood up without making any noise and headed for the kitchen. He was stunned when he saw the beautifully decorated table. A note was lying on the kitchen counter.

_We need milk and some fruits. And don't forget the fresh rolls, sleepy!_

Harry groaned and decided to go to bed again and almost was back in the bed again when he heard a muffled voice from somewhere beneath the sheets: "I'd like apples and oranges. And pears if they have some."

"Alright, apples, oranges and pears," replied Harry and pulled his morning gown fast around himself before he put on his slippers and went to fetch the required things from the shop on the ground floor of the apartment house he was living in.

"And don't forget the milk and the rolls!"

xXx

Harry was back and sliced the fruits when suddenly somebody grasped his waist. His grip around the knife tightened before he relaxed again.

"You know that it could be dangerous for you to do that."

Severus wrapped his arms around Harry and complained –like he would do every time: "You are scrawny!"

"Don't tell me that I have to eat more!" smiled Harry. He knew that this would lead nowhere.

"I know how much you are eating but I cannot help myself. I feel bad every time I see the state you are in."

"It's not that I would starve to death, Severus. The Dursleys would never let me gain any weight but I don't feel sorry for that."

Severus sighed and rested his chin on Harry's shoulder. "You are so gentle and mild. I cannot understand how you could remain this soft after all."

"It could be a cover to hide all the edges and angles."

"Doesn't matter. I love you nonetheless. Besides one fact, you are so bony that I usually have bruises after spending the weekend with you!"

Harry smiled gently and put the knife aside. "Sit down. I'm done with the fruit."

"I cannot recall which harm these fruits have done to anyone to deserve that?!" teased Severus and sat down at the table.

"Don't complain about how I slice the fruit! Or do _you_ want to do it for the rest of your life?" asked Harry and gestured with his knife.

Severus laughed. "Don't point that thing on me! And besides… there are house elves at Hogwarts to slice the fruit for me!"

"So Hermione didn't try to release all of them?"

Harry found it rather stupid that he had not asked this question earlier. I had known about SPEW and everything that followed – at least until he had left.

"The house elves almost went on strike when they heard that Hermione would return to Hogwarts. Albus had to promise them that no one would give clothes to them!"

Harry smiled softly and spread some marmalade on his poppy-seed roll.

"You cannot forgive Albus, can you?"

"I don't know, Severus. He sent me away with nothing but my wand and the clothes I was wearing. I had to train my skills day and night for almost two years. I hardly had a day off and I never saw my friends. I was sent to combat several times and when everyone thought I would face Voldemort and destroy him… I was on my own and I hardly had the skills to survive. Not to speak of destroying him. You know it, you saw me. You helped me out of that."

"I could do nothing but heal your physical wounds and hide you for some time."

"Then I felt that this was more than I deserved. I had failed."

"No. No. The Dark - Voldemort went into hiding himself. Hardly any Death Eater related riots have occurred since that day."

Harry lowered his head and slowly ate his roll.

**xXx**

_Harry sat on the stone floor._

"_Stand up Potter and go back to bed. It's too cold down there."_

"_No. No I won't."_

"_Potter! Go back to bed!" ordered Severus. "You will hurt yourself!"_

"_Doesn't matter!"_

"_The bandages are getting dirty and I'll be seriously irritated if I have to change them _again_!"_

_Harry looked at the bandages covering his most of his arms and his bare chest._

"_I don't care."_

"_The BED, POTTER!" bellowed the potions master but made no attempt to move from his armchair._

"_You cannot make me!"_

"_I can, Potter, but you hardly would want me to!"_

"_Hmpf. Try it." Harry starred at the floor. The cuts and bruises all over his body hurt and his sprained joints made every little move a living hell. "TRY IT!" cried Harry, his sore ribs burned like fire and tears began to well in his eyes._

_Severus stood up and walked over to the young man. "Stand up, Potter!"_

"_No," replied Harry._

"_You will."_

"_No!"_

_Severus reached down and grasped the frail body of the surprised boy shrieked._

"_No! Leave me, git! No, no, no, NO! Let me alone, bastard! Git! Moron! Son of a bitch!"_

_It was easy for Severus to pick up the light body but he had a great effort at holding the fighting boy. He carried him over to the bed and threw him on the mattress._

"_You will hurt yourself, stupid. You won't be able to enjoy your fame if you have broken ribs."_

"_I don't enjoy it." Harry sat up._

"_You do. Don't lie to me, I know you do enjoy being famous for… nothing."_

"_I do not enjoy it! The scar, my fame - take it if you like! I don't want it!"_

"_Is it?" sneered Snape and crossed his arms in front of his chest._

"_I don't want to be famous for being alive while my parents died! I rather would have died with them, if I have had the choice!"_

"_Don't be stupid."_

"_I know, I'm stupid, I'm arrogant and I'm selfish! But I – I do not enjoy anything of this."_

"_It brings responsibility, doesn't it?"_

"_I hate to be starred at like a strange animal. I hate to be considered as something special. I hate to be sent away from everything I knew. I hate to be controlled. I hate to be prejudiced against by you! I'll swear that in front of every judge if you want me to. I hate being Harry Potter!"_

_Severus lowered his head and sat down in his armchair._

"_Sleep. You will need your strength."_

"_I don't want to sleep!"_

"_Potter – Harry, sleep," said Severus in a weak voice, rather a request than an order._

**xXx**

"These were hard times."

"It's still hard times, Harry."

"You saved me from myself, I guess. It would have killed me if someone else had found me. I presume that your anger and hate and – all that saved me from that dark abyss. If you had handled me gently - I would have lost my mind, I think."

"I know. It can be comforting to have someone to hate."

"Severus, I still feel so guilty." Severus looked at Harry.

"It's been quite a time that we talked about that?"

"Severus, I think that's why I'm so soft. I have to be soft to not become angry. This could be disastrous for everyone."

Severus sat down beside Harry on the bench and wrapped his arms around the young man.

"It's not your fault. They wanted you to become dangerous. No one thought about the danger you would become to yourself."

"Severus?"

"Yes, love?"

"Ask me."

"I beg you pardon?"

"Ask me if I want to… come and teach at Hogwarts?"

Severus looked in Harry's eyes and found a small shimmer inside of them.

"Do you want to come and teach DADA at Hogwarts?"

"I think I like the idea!"

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Please review! No flames, though. Need to know what you are thinking.


	3. Chapter 2: In which Harry is deserted

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and everything else you recognize from that books, is owned by JKR and Warner Brothers and so on. I do not own anything, but I believe it's perfectly legal to borrow the characters, surroundings, etc. as long as I don't own any money with this. Only the plot of the story is mostly mine. Well, we all are affected by our environment and I'm not capable to tell you everyone who affected me to write what I wrote.

**A/N:** I just realized how dark this will become in the end! Serious, nothing for delicate people. Can't even figure out how I got to write some of that already...

**This still implies SLASH! As I already told you, don't like, don't read.**

* * *

**Chapter 2: In which Harry is deserted…**

Severus and Harry were out in Muggle London for a little bit of shopping. It had been a huge surprise for Harry that the wizard never gave a fight before one of these tours.  
Was it due to his good acting skills – no one survives spying on Voldemort without them – or did he really enjoy them?

Harry smiled gently and took Severus' arm. "Where do you want to go first?"  
"Well, what about the music store? I haven't seen any new CDs on the shelf."  
Harry's elbow met Severus' ribs and he chuckled softly.  
"Git…"  
Severus squeezed Harry's hand softly and smiled. "Imbecile brat!"

They spent two hours in a music shop before Harry was dragged through several clothing shops and ended up with three shirts, two pairs of trousers, four tee-shirts and another two sweaters. Because Severus insisted on it.  
"I have enough clothes, Sev! You don't need to drag me through all those shops! I hate shopping for clothes!"  
Severus only smiled and suggested that they should have lunch.

When they finally returned home, Harry sat down on the desk and pulled out a sheet of parchment. He smiled and turned towards Severus. "Well, what should I write? '_No matter how horrible you treated my in the past, Albus, I decided to return to Hogwarts to teach DADA. See you then, Harry!_' What, why are you laughing?" smiled the young man.  
Severus laughed out and turned towards the desk. Slowly he lifted himself from the couch and walked over and took the quill in his fingers.  
"Headmaster Dumbledore, I declare myself willing to take over the recently deserted position as the Defence against the Dark Arts Teacher at Hogwarts School. Sincerely, Harry Potter," read Harry out aloud.  
"Just a suggestion."  
In the end Harry just wrote something like this down. He called Hedwig and she was glad to deliver the letter. Out of habit Harry placed an anti-locating charm on his pet before he opened the window to let her out.  
"You are paranoid!" Severus called from the couch where he read a book.  
Harry smiled gently. "You wouldn't be different, love!"  
He walked over to the sofa and took the book out of Severus hands.  
"I was reading that, you know?"  
Harry sat down on the other man's lap. "Just hold me for a while, okay?"  
Severus did as he was asked and held the wizard in his arms. Harry sighed and sat there, his eyes closed.  
And Severus felt guilty. He couldn't say if this was right. If it ever had been.  
Harry was so young and he was old. Twenty years of difference between them and the young man loved him madly. But felt Severus the same? Were Harry's feelings true, or did he just need the feeling to be loved?  
Snape doubted that he was good enough for the frail creature in his arms.  
He felt a nagging presence in his mind and Harry stood up.  
"How often have I told you that you are not supposed to read my mind?!"  
"Why, what a 'vague' expression that is, reading minds. That's not entire true, you know? Mind's not a book! You cannot simply read it, that's something muggles and idiot Gryffindors believe!" smirked Harry and browsed through the CD shelves.  
"I adapted my vocabulary," retorted Snape and smiled. "What are you looking for?"  
"In the shelf or in your mind?"  
Snape shrugged his shoulder. "Both, I guess!"  
Harry sighed and picked a CD. "I sought for something to ease the worries and pain I thought I interpreted… in your mind. From your mind?"  
Severus smiled softly. "Nothing to worry. It's just natural… a habit…"  
"I will let you know what I feel for you! It's simple, I love you!" Harry said and put the CD in the stereo.  
Severus sighed and guarded his mind. Little could he tell the boy that he doubted… not that he doubted the boy's affection, but its… extend.  
A boy… Harry was so young, almost a child, not in body but in his mind… at least partially.  
"Let's go to the bedroom!" whispered Harry. He planted soft kisses on his partner's jaw line.  
"We already had a nice evening, do you think you are already up to this?"  
Harry smiled. "It's alright, if you are too exhausted," snickered the young wizard.  
Severus threw Harry on his back and kissed him deeply. "I might be already in my forties, but I'm not old!" He picked Harry up and threw him over his shoulder.  
Harry laughed out and tickled Severus' sides.  
"I might accidentally drop you!" grinned Severus. "This time I could not deny that I am guilty of hurting Dumbledore's new DADA teacher."  
Harry screamed when Severus threw him on the bed.  
"Come here, Precious!" whispered Harry and held his arms open for his lover.  
Severus laid down next to Harry. "This might not be the right time for this."  
Harry shook his head. "Severus, I think it is!"  
Snape gently kissed his mate. "I'm serious, Harry! You are a bit… feeble today. I don't want to hurt you!"  
"You think I'm too frail? That I might faint or something? You idiotic git!"  
Harry jumped up and ran from the bedroom.  
"Harry!" called Severus after him. "Fuck, I didn't mean it like this!"  
Snape found him on the roof terrace, sitting in a corner almost hidden behind the large flowerpots. "Come inside! It's cold out here."  
"Go and such a lemon!" growled Harry, his head resting on his knees.  
Severus sighed and knelt down beside the young man. "Harry! I didn't want to say that you are physically weak! I just had the impression that you had a few problems during our shopping trip. I don't to give you a bad feeling."  
Harry turned his head away from Severus. "You never were particularly worried about fucking! Oh please! I know you jerked. It's just a word, alright?"  
Severus placed a soothing hand on Harry's back. "It's not the word. It's just that I… it gives me the impression of meaningless sex. And I love you!"  
Harry lifted his head up but still didn't look at his partner.  
"Come inside, please! Or do you want to freeze your balls off on the stone floor?"  
Harry smiled for a moment then continued to stare at the blank wall. "Will it ever end?"  
With a deep sigh Severus sat down next to Harry. "What?"  
"The war?"  
"Which one? The war I'm fighting to fathom you or the war against the dark?"  
Harry snorted and found sudden interest in a spot on the wall. Severus had a birthmark the same form and size behind his left ear, just bellow the hairline.  
"Well, I don't think that neither of these wars will end. It's just in their nature. The dark can never be defeated. It's their, in our mind. And where is light there also has to be shadow. And who would know the light if they never experienced darkness?"  
Harry nodded slowly, still staring at the little spot on the wall.  
"There is a frail balance in life. Between good and bad. Every madman has a hero-counterpart. And without the madman the hero wouldn't be a hero!"  
Still, Harry stared at the wall.  
"And what's between you and me… I think I will never entirely understand you."  
Suddenly, Harry felt strong arms around his body. "All the thinking… it almost hurts sometimes. It's so exhausting…" Finally, Harry looked up at Severus. "I just want to forget. I want to forget everything, my name, my past, my present… I just want to be with you and live in sweet oblivion!"  
An understanding smile crossed Severus lips. "Me too. But there is no way for us to achieve it! Let's go inside…."  
Harry agreed. "Yes, let's go inside…"

When Harry woke up, he was naked and felt rather cold.  
It wasn't odd that he was lying in his bed naked, but usually Severus warmed him.  
"Severus? Are you there?"  
Harry got no response but a tapping on the windowpane. "Fuck!"  
Harry got up and looked for his boxers. He got very annoyed by the tapping and opened the window. A huge barn owl flapped inside along with along with cold air.  
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" he cursed and quickly caught the letter. The owl gracefully flew away again, perhaps a bit irritated as Harry hadn't appreciated it.  
Harry read the letter, which basically said that Dumbledore was happy that he joined the Hogwarts Staff. Potter pulled his dressing gown around himself and got to the kitchen.  
He found the table beautifully decorated with rose petals and a rich breakfast… and a note.

_I'm sorry, but I had to leave. No way I can tell you, it's a secret!  
We'll meet at the beginning of next term at Hogwarts.  
Love, Severus_

"Fuck you, Sev!" sighed Harry and began to eat. It wouldn't help if he decided to starve himself. "Son of a bitch!"

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**agge - **thanks for the nice review... I'll update more regularly now- hopefully!

**_What's on the next chapter:_** I don't know? Do they meet at Hogwarts again? Perhaps! Let me know what you think what's in the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 3: In which Harry and Severus ar...

**Disclaimer:** Again, not mine. Except the plot.

**A/N:** It's easier to write in the middle of the night I guess. Again, it's 1 o'clock in the morning and I'm sitting in my bed, writing and updating!

Thanks for your reviews and I hope a few more will probably review my work. It makes me write faster, you know?

**This still implies SLASH! As I alreadygaveyou the advice: Don't like, don't read.**

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**Chapter 3 – In which Harry and Severus are rejoined**

The beginning of the new term approached very fast and Severus was almost exited by the thought of Harry returning to Hogwarts on the last day of the holidays.

Harry basically felt pretty much the same. But he was irritated by the secrets Severus had. They never had spoken much about things, but there never had been any secrets about things that affected their relationship.  
And when Severus left in the middle of the night, this bloody well affected their relationship!  
He packed his suitcase and cast various concealment charms on himself before he had a bit last-minute shopping for robes and books and all this.  
No one recognized him and Harry didn't stress his luck too far by running around Diagon Alley too long.  
Back at home he took the charms off, told Hedwig to meet him at Hogwarts and shrunk his luggage to fit into his pockets.  
He was ordered there by ten o'clock. Now it was two past ten. He should get going…

A lean figure appeared in Minerva McGonagall's office's fireplace. One eyebrow rose when she looked at the clock on the mantelpiece.  
"I knew that you hardly ever were on time, Mr Potter. You_really_should go and buy a watch some times."  
Harry smiled. "I'm also delighted to see you again, Professor!" he replied cheekily.  
Minerva smiled a bit. "Well, you should rather call me Minerva now."  
Harry nodded solemnly and had a short look around. "Well… what now?"  
"I'll show you your personal rooms and then we will attend lunch before the staff meeting."  
Again, Harry only nodded. McGonagall threw a pinch of floo powder into the fireplace. "Harry Potter."  
Harry stepped through the flames, quickly followed by the deputy headmistress.

He found himself in a cosy apartment. In fact the same one all the Defence against the Dark Arts teachers had lived in.  
"You have a bedroom, a study, a small office and a bathroom. The classroom is through that door. I'll leave you now. You most certainly remember when lunch is?"  
Harry nodded and placed his shrunken luggage on the desk before he dropped on the bed. He stood up again and took out his wand to change it a bit. He made it broader and more comfortable. After all he was used to sleep in a big bed most of the time.

When Harry stepped into the halls of Hogwarts he was greeted by old friends and with them came old memories.  
Ron squeezed Harry's shoulder while Hermione launched herself at the new appointed teacher. "Harry! Wow… you are barely more than a bag of bones! Sure you are alright?"  
Harry smiled gently at the witch and suddenly was well aware that he hadn't seen Severus for quite some time. He missed the man's strong arms protecting him.  
Then he remembered that Hermione had asked him a question and he thought of a reply. "Well, I was skinny when I was a child and I never got past that."  
Both Weasleys nodded and Hermione put a serious look on her face.  
"Well… I've got a… request. Please Harry, try to get along with Severus. He isn't that bad and he has changed in the past years. Even Ron gets along with him quite well as long as they don't start to talk about Quidditch."  
"What? You argue about Quidditch?" asked Harry with a small smile on his face.  
"We do, Potter."  
Snape approached and eyed Harry and his casual clothes.  
Harry didn't have to entirely fake the dark frown.  
"Yeah, he is of the opinion that you shouldn't play for the Cuddly Cannons."  
Harry smirked inwardly; still, the youngest of the Weasley boys was a staunch supporter of the Cannons. Potter looked at Severus with faked surprise.  
"I'm of the opinion – don't get an ego, Potter - that the world's best Seeker shouldn't be wasted on the Cannons. I suggested the Inverness Imps or the London Lizards. Or Heart of Midlothian."  
"Wasted on the Cannons… hell, he IS the world's best seeker and he should be seeker in the best team!" replied Ron grimly.  
"That's exactly what I'm implying. The Lizards will win the England Cup and the Imps will be British Champion this season."  
"I'm rather fond of the Imps myself," interjected Harry and Severus raised an eyebrow.  
"Silver and green… _Harry_? Slytherin colours? I'd rather associated you with the purple RED of the Hearts."  
To anyone they seemed like the old Potter and the old Snape.  
"There is a little secret, _Severus_. I almost was sorted into Slytherin by the Sorting Hat!"  
"Thank God that the Hat was smarter than that!"  
"It was me who _requested_ to be sorted into Gryffindor. Guess why?"  
"Merlin beware, Potter in Slytherin? I think I would have given my letter of resignation the very evening!"

"_There is a secret, _sir_!" spat Harry out. "On my first day at Hogwarts the Hat wanted to put me in Slytherin!"  
_"_Merlin beware, Potter in Slytherin? I think I would have given my letter of resignation the very evening! Thank god that the Hat was smarter than that!"  
_"_I – I requested to be sorted into Gryffindor! Slytherin! I would have died if the Hat had sorted me into Slytherin!" cried Harry angrily.  
_"_Albus would have been very disappointed."  
_"_I give a damn on his opinion! He is an old man and – I hate him!"  
__Snape tried to shake his head, but Harry shouted at him.  
_"_After all he's done to you… after all he's done to me... after all he's done to anyone you still defend him? You kinky bastard!"  
_"_Don't dwell on your hate for one man, Potter! It's not only Dumbledore involved in that!"  
_"_But he – he sent me away. He sent you to spy on Voldemort!"  
_"_And at least the latter one was right! I'd done far too much damage in the past. With spying on the Dark Lord I could at least pay off some of my debt to wizarding world!"  
_"_And after all they owe me more than just a life!" screamed Harry. "You, he, they all do!"  
_"_Very well… you are not too modest, are you?"  
_"_I only tell the truth!"  
_"_How very _Slytherin_ of you, Potter."  
_"_Fuck you, Snape!"_

Harry smiled and his gaze fell on the approaching Dumbledore.  
"Headmaster," greeted Harry, his expression suddenly empty.  
"Hello Harry. You don't have to be so formal, we are colleagues now. Minerva showed you your rooms? Good. The staffs meet for dinner tonight at six o'clock."  
"Thank you, Headmaster. I think I'll go and unpack now. See you later!"

Harry was about to walk towards his rooms when Severus called after him.  
"Potter, I still have some of your papers down at the dungeons. I thought I'd better ask you if you wanted them back."  
"Why not?" Harry followed Severus down to the dungeons. When the others where out of sight Harry walked to Severus and gently stroke his arm.  
"You missed me?"  
Severus smiled. "Actually I do have some homework and tests of you."  
"Oh… I don't think that you gave me too good grades?"  
"The grades suit your 'performances'," Severus tried to explain, ignorant to the fact that Harry wasn't sad because of the grades.  
"You know that they improved during my training?"  
Severus nodded gently and opened the door to his office. He searched his desk and finally handed a pile of parchment to Harry.  
"Oi! I think I have to be grateful that I was allowed to leave for this training!" teased Harry. "Those _really_ remarks hurt!"  
Severus looked at the parchment and sneered.  
"I have to admit that I was a little bit harsh but basically your essays were too confusing to be worth an 'O'."  
Severus glanced to the closed door and softly kissed Harry's lips, but the young man pulled away soon.  
"I'm a little bit sad that I can see you every day but – I think I have to unpack now."  
Severus was to slow to reply and starred only at the now opened door.

Harry ran up to his rooms and leant against the door he had closed behind him. His heart beat hard against his ribs.  
"Oh my god! Who does he think he is?"  
He sighed and unpacked his trunk. He pulled out a white shirt and black robes. A large white snowy owl landed on the desk.  
"Hey Hedwig!" smiled Harry. "How are you doing girl? Happy to be back again?"  
The owl clicked her beak and looked at her master.  
"Do you think they will find out? They are smart, Hedwig. How long will it take them?"  
Harry changed quickly and went to lunch. Harry was seated next to Snape and ignored the fact totally.

Severus hid his smile. It was good to know that Harry was there, that he could vaguely feel the others warmth next to him. On the other hand they couldn't crack jokes now and then and have a nice conversation as they used to have at meals at home.  
At one time Severus placed one hand on Harry's thigh.  
"Meet me in my chambers…" he whispered and then left the hall.  
Harrystubbornly glared at his dessert.  
No, he wouldn't go there. Severus had refused to contact him for over two months.  
God damn it! He was bloody well not sexually depended on Severus. He had his own life and his own decisions and too much pride.

"Harry! We haven't seen a long time. Like to have a chat?" asked Hermione.  
Harry nodded. "That's a great idea!"  
He followed Hermione and Ron to their chambers and smiled at his once best friends. Perhaps their friendship wasn't entirely ruined yet.

He stepped into the rooms and was startled for a moment. They were gorgeous, more spacious than his own and – much to his surprise – only little orange stuff could be found. No Cannons Poster, banners, photos or blankets.  
Hermione kept Ron's passion for Quidditch away from their life, it seemed.  
"Wow… and no orange here?" snickered Harry.  
"All his posters and the stuff are carefully tugged away in the Burrow. He doesn't need it around here."  
Harry nodded, but still curious. At home there were many things he valued very high, as well as some of Severus things. The thought pained him.  
"Well, sit down please. Do you want anything to drink?"  
Harry shook his head and his mind drifted off to the non-magical Portrait of Salazar Slytherin next to the CD shelf along with other Portraits of important wizards and witches. There was no other Portrait of a Founder though.

Severus had teased Harry about this fact from time to time but hadn't thought about it most of time.

Hermione suddenly pulled Harry out of his train of thoughts and soon he was engaged in a funny conversation and it seemed as the long nights in the Gryffindor common room never had ended.

Harry didn't have to fake his anger against Severus during the staff meeting and the following dinner. He left the hall before almost everyone else and went back to his chambers without another word.

He had almost forgotten the problems he had during his afternoon with Hermione and Ron. But Severus' black eyes had brought back all the emotion – pain and humiliation.

Angrily he tossed his clothing in the wardrobe where it immediately folded itself again. A knocking on the doorframe made Harry turn around and he saw Severus.  
Not much of a surprise…  
"Why didn't you come?" asked Severus gently and sad.  
Harry tried to look busy and arranged the books in the shelves. "I wasn't in the mood…"  
Severus snorted. "Don't lie at me in such a clumsy way. You are insulting my intelligence!"  
"Very well. I really wasn't in the mood to follow your orders!"  
"Orders?" asked Severus surprised. "I merely asked you to come and see me!"  
Harry didn't look at the other wizard. "You said it like it was an order…"  
"I thought you wanted it as well. I thought I was responding to your wish!"  
Harry turned around heatedly. "I do not wish to be used by you! I'm no fucktoy you can put aside once you have enough and fetch it when you need it again. Neither am I your whore you can order to you bed as you like it! ALRIGHT?"  
Severus stood up. "I never saw you as a fucktoy, neither my whore! You are my lover!"  
"For you, there doesn't seem to exist much of a difference between those three!"  
Severus narrowed his eyes. "I love you, Harry! I just asked you to come because I wanted to be near you. I wanted to kiss and hold you and talk to you. That's it!"  
"Then bloody well do it!" screamed Harry. All this had been far too much for the young man. "I have missed you so much during the last months! Fuck you, Severus Snape!"  
"Later perhaps!" whispered Severus and hugged Harry carefully.  
"Don't make fun of me!" sobbed Harry. "You know that it's not fair!"  
Snape stroke Harry's back and placed a soft kiss on the famous scar.  
"Guess you'll have to teach your sixth years about this!" whispered Snape. He loved the very individual mark on the boy's forehead, and he despised it for what it meant.  
"Not now…" replied Harry. "Let's go to the bedroom please!"  
They lied down on the large bed and held each other. No word was spoken; they only exchanged soft kisses and smiles.  
"I love you!" Harry eventually said. "I really do! And I'm fed up with the all the distance and unspoken things between us. We only talk about what's currently important! I have the impression that I don't even know you!"  
Severus nodded slowly. "You're right, hon. You are right…"

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**bitterblacktears** – I particularly like the scene because it's one of those I simply could imagine and write down.

**Hyouden** – Basically Sev thought that Harry _couldn't_ love him, or at least not that much. Bit insecure both of them are.

**Cydah** – Thanks. I hope you'll like this one as well.

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**_What's on the next chapter:_** Nothing so far... I'm open to ideas...


	5. Chapter 4: In which we are going to info...

**Disclaimer:** If it was mine - what it isn't - would I have to worry about money. Harry Potter is not owned by me and most probably never will be mine.

**A/N:** Sorry it took me so long and this is only a short chapter. Try to update soon!

**This still implies SLASH! As I already told you, don't like, don't read.**

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**Chapter 4 – In which we are going to inform Ronald**

"Scrawny, Potter, you are half starved. No wonder that your shield wasn't able to shield you from a simple stunning spell."

Harry smiled at Poppy and began to explain himself. "She was unexpected powerful, Poppy. Of course I could have created a stronger shield."

"I doubt that!" sniffed the Medi-witch and poked Harry in the chest. "I bet I could see right through you, Potter."

"Don't tell me I have to eat more! I already have – someone to do that. I eat at least three proper meals a day. I believe I originally came here to get rid of that nasty cut on my hand."

Madam Pomfrey waved her wand above the wound and poured some liquid over it. The skin began to heal and Harry smiled thankfully.

"Why didn't you come right after you got injured?"

"Had worse than this. I was clearly able to continue with my lessons."

"Potter! The next time you come at least directly after you dismissed the class and not after teaching another class."

Poor Harry had been teaching for two weeks now and had been teaching the third years the magical shields.

An unexpected strong stunning spell from a Hufflepuff had made his shield waver and he fell over and cut his hand. Being no genius with healing charms, Harry had decided to wait for the break to see Madam Pomfrey.

Of course she was complaining about his weight.

But all in all it had been really peaceful, once the students had coped with having a legend teaching them Defence against the Dark Arts.

Although he was not so much an legend because of his fight against Voldemort, but mostly because of his dangerous life at school. Including the philosophers' stone, Chamber of Secrets, dangerous felons and werewolves, Triwizard Tournament and putting up trouble with Snape whenever he could.

He was friends with Hermione and Ron again and had a beautiful – although sometimes very tense because secret – relationship with Severus.

Still, something worried Harry. He felt like something was going wrong. Call it an additional sense for trouble or bad emotions.

And he was right.

It happened after a longer chat with Hermione and Ron, in which Ron didn't really participate.

"Harry, could I have a word with you? Outside, perhaps?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders and nodded. "Sure Ron."

The red-head walked with Harry for some time before he stopped and glared at Harry.

"You aren't here because of Hermione, are you?" asked Ron angrily.

"Ron? I told you that I had been asked by a friend to come here. I wasn't convinced by Hermione," explained Harry.

"But perhaps you came here because of her presence?" hissed Ron.

"Ron, I'm not aware of what you try to tell me!"

Harry stared at Ron and tried to put the pieces together.

"You have crush on my wife, have you?" bellowed Ron and Harry stared at him blankly. Then he let out a sudden fit of laughter. "Don't make fun of me!"

"I'm not making fun of you, Ron! I just have… no, Ron. I don't have a crush on Hermione! I just came here to teach."

Ron wasn't really convinced by Harry's words. "You two have a great deal of fun together, haven't you?"

"Ron, we do have fun together. But that's just working because I do not have a crush on her!" Harry smiled at his best friend. "I can give you a simple reason why I cannot have a crush on Hermione."

_Damn, this could ruin everything! _

"Well, tell me!" demanded Ron and Harry cast a quick spell to check if there was no one in earshot. "What?"

"It's better that no one overhears this, Ron. What I will tell you is a secret and God help you if you tell anyone else!" threatened Harry.

"Alright. Just tell me."

"I'm not interested in Hermione – neither am I interested in any other woman – because I'm gay," spilled Harry fast and quietly.

"Are you serious?" mouthed Ron almost speechless.

"I'm not here because of a crush on anybody (Harry crossed his finger behind his back) I just came here because a friend asked me to."

Ron paused for a minute and then focused on Harry. "So, you did not come after Hermione? (Harry shook his head and Ron looked wryly) And you didn't come after me?"

Harry laughed again and shook his head. "No, I have already someone to drool after. And after all you're the – I don't really think of you as attractive. Surely you are attractive for someone, but I – I don't, no. You don't fit in my… hunting scheme, so to say," stumbled Harry.

It was incredible hard to tell your best friend, that you did not found them attractive.

"I'm so thankful for that!"

The newest teacher nodded with approval.

"But apart from that, why don't you want anybody to know? I mean, it's perfectly okay to be gay in wizarding world."

Potter smiled wryly. "Is it?"

"Hell, even Snape had the guts to admit it!" sighed Ron. "But I won't say anything."

"Wait… Snape?"

Although Harry of course knew of Severus preference for men and only men, he was surprised that someone else also knew, let alone Ronal Weasley!

Ron sighed. "Well, all the staff knows that Severus' a fag, it's only fair I tell you!"

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**KEEP REVIEWING!**

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What's on the next chapter: Lot's of fun. Perhaps even a bit of action between Harry and Severus.


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